Some writers should not be allowed to use figures of speech. Any writer who would describe a man as someone who would “twist your ventricles into a vice” should probably not even be allowed to use a keyboard. But, here she is again, writing for Yahoo! Shine and making an outrageous claim:
Jon Hamm is not a contemporary of Humphrey Bogart; he was born decades after Mr. Bogart’s death. Mr. Hamm might be considered — by a long stretch of the imagination — to be a contemporary Bogart, but not his contemporary.
So, that was bad. But it’s when the writer tries to exercise her word-a-day vocabulary — when she uses large words without regard to their meaning — that she construct metaphors of monumental meaninglessness: