Nothing says ‘I don’t give a crap’ like umf

There’s lots of bad writing on the Internet, even by paid professionals. And when they don’t give a crap about their writing, you’ll likely see factual errors, misspellings, and incorrect word choices. That’s what I was thinking when I read this on Yahoo! Travel:

breakfast travel 1

This is allegedly about something called “Hearty Eggs,” but nothing could be further from the truth. It’s really about haggis. It’s clear the writer was a tad confused about her subject, just as she was confused about the difference between further and farther, the word that refers to real, physical distance.

But nothing says “I don’t give a sh*t” like umf, which I take to be a lazy writer’s attempt at oomph. Umf is not a word, but it is an abbreviation and according to the Urban Dictionary it means “ugly motherf***er,” which I don’t think the writer meant. Although if she reads this, she may be thinking that.

Maybe you should learn to read first

Before attempting to become a professional writer, make sure you can read. It makes things a lot easier for you and helps ensure the accuracy of what you write. I’m thinking that if the writer for Yahoo! Style were a better reader, she might not have mistaken the word married for met:

married met style

I guess it’s possible that the writer just couldn’t hold that many words in her brain when it came time to type the quotation. That’s possible. I guess.

Feeling blue

You have to admit that in this picture on the Yahoo! front page, Elsa looks blue — if by “blue” you mean sad:

fp blue

What the writer is really saying? The Disney princess is blue, like Alfred Angelo’s dress. What the writer really meant? Like the Disney princess’s dress, Alfred Angelo’s dress will be blue.

That’s quite a fete!

Yes indeedie! Spending a week in the desert in the summer with 70,000 others is a festival. At least according to the writer for Yahoo! Travel:

fete travel

It’s also quite a feat. Which is probably what the writer meant, but I’m not sure. Is it possible she thinks fete is pronounced FEET? That would simply compound the error, because it’s pronounced like FATE or FET.

Just in time for Oktoberfest: Teutonic plates!

What does one use to serve bratwurst, sauerbraten, and wiener schnitzel? Teutonic plates! I think someone needs to explain to the writer for Yahoo! Style that Teutonic means Germanic and that the shifting plates of the Earth’s crust are tectonic:

teutonic plates style

The moral impact of nail polish

Choosing the correct color of nail polish has just be elevated to a moral and ethical decision by a writer at Yahoo! Beauty:

conscientious decision

Those with lesser standards might only make a conscious decision about nail color, but shame on them! This should be a conscientious decision on par with refusing to fight in a war for religious reasons.

When designers quarrel

When designers quarrel, that’s a spat of designers. When you’re looking at a lot of designers, that’s a spate of designers. If you think confusing the two is ridiculous, that’s Yahoo! Style:

spat of designers

Wrecking havoc with the language

Yahoo! just launched a new site called Yahoo! Style. I immediately thought that it must be better written than the rest of Yahoo!; after all, it was new! Wouldn’t the Internet giant invest in the quality of the writing of a new site? Wouldn’t Yahoo! finally hire competent editors to ensure the success of Style? I was hopeful as I jumped at the opportunity to read an article by Style’s editor in chef. Now there’s a person who must appreciate the need for quality writing.

The title promised info on dressing for extreme temperatures, so I’m thinking the heat of summer and the cold of the dead of winter:

how to dress style

By the time I’d finished the article, I’d learned about dressing for heat and for that other temperature extreme — rain. But I shouldn’t have been surprised that the writer (the editor in chief!) couldn’t figure out what he was supposed to be writing about. The more I read the more I realized he probably couldn’t figure out what language he was supposed to be writing in.

Here he takes a serious subject like global warming and reveals its true threat to humanity: It wrecks havoc on fashion:

wrecked havoc style

Well, wrecking havoc sounds good to me; that would be destroying chaos. It’d be much worse if it were wreaking (or bringing about) havoc.

Then, I read this use of then instead of than:

then seersucker style

I’m going to try to ignore the advice, which doesn’t exactly seem like it’s meant for the woman of the twenty-first century, and focus on the writing, which kinda sucks:

wearing is wearing style

When I read this, I thought wearing cotton over silk sounded odd for dressing for hot weather:

allows to breath style

But the writer (the editor in chief!) meant “prefer cotton over silk.” The rest of the stream-of-consciousness writing alleges that cottons allows [sic] the body to breath. Believe me, if your body ain’t breathing, wearing cotton isn’t going to help. The writer meant that cotton is preferable because cotton breaths (that is, it allows air to pass through it).

So, am I hopeful that Yahoo! Style will provide quality content? Not if it’s written by Yahoo! writers (and the editor in chief).

Did you mean a turkey hooker?

I’d like to ask the writer for Yahoo! Food one question: What the heck were you thinking?

solicit food

The only food I’ve seen soliciting was a turkey standing on a street corner — before she was stuffed:

turkey hooker

I’ve had lots of foods that elicited (or even more appropriately, evoked) an emotional response from me, including cottage cheese (blehk) and ham-and-banana hollandaise (yum!).

Sometimes I just have to say it

Sometimes I just have to say it: This is idiotic. This is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read on a supposed news site:

tank in texas

As if I needed more evidence that Yahoo! is outsourcing writing of Yahoo! News to non-English-speaking countries, we have this. The writer obviously thinks a tank is the same thing as a tanker. This is a tank (courtesy of Wikipedia):

tank

The vessel in the Yahoo! News picture is a tanker. It is a ship. It holds oil. It travels in the ocean. It could not disappear in Texas since Texas is not an ocean.

The tanker disappeared off the coast of Texas.

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