Sorry, but it’s too late to make that correction

Those comedians who write headlines for Yahoo! News‘ “The Cutline” slay me. I just love the irony in this headline:

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Were you wasted when you wrote that?

Maybe the editor for the Yahoo! front page hit the margarita pitcher before composing this blurb:

Writing about social eels

There are few jobs in the world where you can make egregious errors every day — in front of potentially millions of people — without consequences. Such is the job of editor for Yahoo! Shine.

Is this the job for you? It could be if you’re illiterate and proud of it! If you didn’t notice the grammatical gaffe here, you might just be a Shine editor:

If you think punctuation can be put anywhere in a sentence, you might be a Shine editor. If you don’t know the difference between social eels and social customs, this is the job for you!

And and if this looks okie-dokie to you, you might be a Shine editor:

Writing for Shine has gotten to be a sweet gig. No adult supervision. No standards. No need to write in English. Sign me up!

Having a ruff time with the language

Oh, let’s hope the writer for Yahoo! Movies doesn’t get roughed up by those grammar bullies — the ones who point and snicker at others’ mistakes:

Writing in the wrong vein

That little vein popped out on my head when I read this on Yahoo! TV:

Let’s get something straight

Let’s get straight to the point: There is a homophonous mistake on Yahoo! TV‘s “Primetime in No Time”:

Let’s get this straight: A strait is a narrow channel between two bodies of water.

It was wrong even in the Dark Ages

It looks like the keyboard got away from the editor on Yahoo! Shine and just went crazy with the meningitis:

I wonder if the nervous tick is one that delivers Lyme disease. I thought that since the Dark Ages everyone knew that the nervous twitch is a tic.

Don’t we all know what we’re planning to do? I think it would be better to know if you should plan to spend the entire day over a toilet. I don’t know if there is one warning or multiple warnings, but I know this ain’t right:

I don’t mean to talk down to you, but have you noticed that this writer can’t figure out if it’s Talkdown or TalkDown? Are you annoyed by the fact that she doesn’t know that the correlative conjunction both…and must join two like objects; so, if you write the iPad, you should also write the iPhone:

Now your concerns are that this writer gets paid to write crap, and you’re ticked off:

I am, too.

Not in the write mood

Sometimes writers just aren’t in the mood to write. Maybe they call it writer’s block. Or maybe they recognize that they’re not invested in the topic. Whatever the reason, the result usually suffers. Perhaps Piper Weiss, the Yahoo! Shine writer responsible for mangling Matthew McConaughey, wasn’t in the mood to check the spelling of his name:

Perchance she thought an editor would supply the missing quotation marks around the movie titles and the missing caps on mom:

And maybe she relied on an editor to remove the incorrect apostrophe and single quotation marks:

If she is the kind of writer who lets boredom affect her pearls, she might skip a word here:

Or turn a verb into some sort of possessive or contraction with an apostrophe:

To compensate, she might capitalize cancer (thinking it’s the Big C, after all). If she’s bored with proofreading, she’d overlook a missing word:

Misspelling director Nancy Meyers’ name is bad, but crediting the writing to someone named Darlene Sloan, when it was Darlene Hunt who created the show, is unforgivable. Unless you’re really uninterested in the topic. Then, mistakes happen:

Her mind might have been on Olympia Snowe or Stephen King when she was thinking about a Maine character. Her concentration perhaps wavered when trying to tap out Gabourey Sidibe. She may have been attempting a pun with white-bred. Unfortunately, in an error-filled article, an attempt at a pun could strike the reader as just another goof. The funky punctuation around size is interesting; quotation marks can be soooo boring:

All right. I just gotta say it: Don’t use alright. Most authorities consider it wrong, except in the most casual of writing:

Minor picky point: If the writer is awake, I’d recommend moving the comma inside the quotation marks, where it belongs:

Clearly the writer is bored. Or uninterested and stuff. If only she were as interested in writing well as she is in writing a lot.

If she were, she’d know that the sentence she wrote must be in the subjective subjunctive mood. Maybe she’s just not in the mood to write or be right.

How to kill two birds with one stone

First, you need a stone. Then you need two birds. The writer for Yahoo! Shine got it half right:

Julia Roberts and the roof of her mouth

Did the writer for Yahoo! Shine‘s “The Thread” actually check the color of Julia Roberts’ mouth to declare it brown?

Ms. Roberts’ palate is the roof of her mouth or her sense of taste (the kind of taste involving food, not clothes. Unless she’s chewing on her sweater). The colors she chooses to wear are part of her palette.

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