Then we’ll tell you how to comb your out hair

You, too, can grow your out hair just like Jennifer Lawrence! Check out this article on Yahoo! Shine:

out hair

What country are you from?

There’s been an unusually large number of errors on the Yahoo! front page lately. Because many of those errors involved U.S. pop culture, common American idioms, and American spellings, I thought that perhaps a foreign government had taken control of yahoo.com. After seeing this, I’m convinced that the writing on the Yahoo! front page is not done in the U.S.:

fp boston governor

For all you yahoo.com writers in Mumbai or Minsk or wherever you are: No American city has a governor.  Boston is an American city. Therefore, Boston does not have a governor. Deval Patrick is the governor of Massachusetts.

Ditch those colorful foods this Easter!

Forget about serving “colorful foods that will light up your table.” (Light up my table? Like what? Garlic bulbs?) Stick with the classics like ham and deviled eggs:

fp sub

That’s the advice on the Yahoo! front page.  Unless, of course, the writer meant substitute ham and deviled eggs with colorful foods.

Opening doors with long legs

What do you use to open a door? Hands? Long legs? That’s what the writer for the Yahoo! front page thinks humans might use:

fp long legs

What’s going on at Yahoo?

There’s something really weird going on at yahoo.com. The number of bone-headed mistakes on that page has exploded. Is it a new writing staff? A bunch of interns hired for the summer? Outsourcing to a non-English-speaking country? Here’s just some of the things spotted on today’s Yahoo! front page.

If the marathon you’re writing about is in Boston, it’s the Boston Marathon (with a big M). That’s not the only thing I’d quibble about, though. I can’t say I agree with the statement that “retrievers are used to distract” people. There are many, many documented benefits to petting a dog, including lowering blood pressure:

fp marathon

Here’s a use of chide that’s new to me: It’s used as a transitive verb (meaning it has a direct object, in this case decision), so it means “to reprimand or scold mildly.” I don’t think anyone was chiding the decision — the person who made the decision, maybe was chided.

fp chided

Ah, the old subject-verb disagreement. There can’t be any disagreement that the subject is tenor and the verb should be is. Also, there’s that dangling modifier at the beginning of the sentence, which appears to modify tenor (which makes no sense), though it likely should modify the writing on the boat:

fp tenor are

OK, here’s a mystery for you: What was Iran stockpiling? Government cheese? This doesn’t contain a grammatical or spelling error. This is what is known as an error of omission: It tells you nothing.

fp stockpile

I almost spit out my sugar-free, nonfat vanilla latte when I read this:

fp cafe

The name of that café is a mouthful, n’est-ce pas? The hilarity continues when you realize that the poor French-challenged writer has mashed up Café de Flore and Les Deux Magots.

If you’re reading something online right now (and I think you are), then according to Yahoo!, that is the reason you procrastinate. It is not what you do when you procrastinate, it is the cause of the procrastination. Good to know.

fp procrastinate

Here’s one you can disagree with, but according to the American Heritage Dictionary, the preferred spelling in the U.S. is disk:

fp disc

And we’re back to that old bugaboo — matching a subject (series) with its verb (hint: it shouldn’t be show):

fp series show

Finally, there’s another preferred spelling: light-years (with a hyphen):

fp light years

Whew! That’s all for now. And by that I mean, I’m going to go get two Advils and lie down.

A whopping misspelling

That’s a whopper of a misspelling on Yahoo! Shine:

whopping cough shine

The disease is whooping cough.

I’m a writer, not a mathematician!

There are lots of examples of the failure of Yahoo! writers to do basic arithmetic. Now we have proof that not only can they not add or subtract numbers, but they also can’t tell which of two numbers is greater: 229 or 127. Here’s the sad evidence on Yahoo! Shine:

lose shine

How many people were infected?

Geez, I can’t imagine how many people suffered from this staff infection, but it must have been a lot because it’s mentioned on Yahoo! Sports:

staff sports

The only thing worse would be a staff with a staph infection.

See pictures before it happens!

Now on Yahoo! Shine you can view pictures of Prince George in “the Australia,” days before he actually arrives!

the australia

Prince George and his parents are scheduled to visit “the Australia” on April 16, but Shine has pictures now of his visit, six days before he arrives!

Is David Ortiz out of sports?

David “Big Papi” Ortiz has a special relationship with Boston. You’d think that it would have something to do with his job as a DH for the Boston Red Sox, but it has nothing to do with “the world of sports,” as they say over at the Yahoo! front page:

fp world of sports

If you don’t find it in the world of sports, does that mean Mr. Ortiz has left Fenway Park and baseball? Perhaps the geniuses at yahoo.com really mean that the relationship is rare or even unique in the world of sports.

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