How do you get a ride underwater?

How do you hitch a ride in the ocean? You call an Uber diver! Ha-ha! I crack myself up. And this cracks me up, too:

fp uber diver

Today’s laugh was brought to you by the comedians at yahoo.com.

The more you toot…

Tooting a TV show doesn’t sound like fun. In fact, it sounds downright painful. But that’s what the Kardashians did, according to the Yahoo! Style editors:

to toot sty

Toot is slang for snorting coke. And for farting, a word I was not allowed to use as a child. So, I adopted the word toot, over my mother’s objection. She preferred the euphemistic “passing wind” or even better, not mentioning that bodily function at all. But I thought tooting was hilarious when I was about seven, when I learned this poem:

Beans, beans the musical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel.
So eat your beans at every meal!

The Kardashians are now tooting their show while it might be more productive to tout it.

What do a bevy of stars drink?

What do a bevy of international stars drink? A bevvy! That’s slang for a drink — especially an alcoholic one. It’s not the same as a bevy because, well, they are different words and they are spelled differently. Except on Yahoo! Style:

bevvy sty 3

Does this suite your taste?

This word on Yahoo! Makers does not suit my taste, but it does serve a purpose: It illustrates the dangers of relying solely on a spell-checker to do your proofreading:

suite diy

Dumbest statement of the day

It’s Mother’s Day! To celebrate let’s insult the mother of a famous rapper/actor and let’s do it on yahoo.com in front of millions and millions of people. That way, we’ll qualify for Dumbest Statement of the Day:

fp his

It’s not an acronym

The Met Gala, benefiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute, was held this week. It was widely covered on news and fashion sites, including Yahoo! Style. So, why did this writer for Style think it was an acronym?

met cap sty

Perhaps she thought it was the Mimes Entertainment Training Gala, to support nonspeaking entertainers. Anyhoo, the writer persists in referring to it as the MET Gala, but we shouldn’t be surprised. Anyone who doesn’t recognize headpieces as one word is sure to make a variety of mistakes, including nonsense about “the shorter you go, might be the way forward.” WTF?

My advice to this writer: Please do a little research. Use the Shift and Cap Lock keys judiciously. And try to write actual sentences.

Justin Bieber in gold broth threads?

Who knows what that is? That’s what the writer for Yahoo! Style asks about “gold bouillon thread”:

bouillon sty

She’s paid to write about fashion, and she doesn’t know? Actually, she has no clue. Bouillon is a clear broth, not usually associated with either gold or thread. Bullion is a gold thread used in embroidery.

Do I have to bend over?

Searching asses after three floors break down sounds like nasty work. But that’s what responders have been doing, according to the Yahoo! front page:

fp asses breakdown

Numbers make my head hurt

Ow! Numbers make my head hurt. Please don’t make me write about numbers. Or write numbers. Or think about numbers. Not even a number like the year. (I think it starts with a 2 and a 0.) And don’t even think about asking me to do fractions. I’m just a writer for Yahoo! Style and I can’t do arithmetic, much less real math.

So, now you know why I’m not sure of the year. We’re halfway to 2015, right? That’s what I wrote here:

halfway to 2015 sty

But then I thought maybe we’re already in 2015 and since it’s the end of April, maybe we’re not quite halfway to 2015 or even halfway through 2015. Now my head really hurts. I think I’ll go take an Advil and lie down.

Dumbest Statement of the Day

This episode of Dumbest Statement of the Day comes to you from Yahoo! Makers, where makers make dumb mistakes:

watercooler

What does “watercooler cookies” have to do with Monet, who was known for his paintings of water lilies? Uh, nothing. You might notice that the cookies look like they were painted with watercolors, and they are indeed called “Watercolor Cookies.” And what does that have to do with Monet? Uh, nothing. Monet didn’t paint with watercolors. So this writer screwed up the name of the cookies and screwed up with the reference to “Monet in the Bank.” Maybe that’s the dumbest statement of the week.

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