How to write a simile

OK, I lied. This doesn’t illustrate how to write a simile. It illustrates how not to write one and it’s from Yahoo! Style:

cold as hell sty hp

Here’s some advice

Here’s a little advice for the Yahoo! News writer: Try using a dictionary.

council news

A council is an assembly of people. As a noun counsel refers to a lawyer or lawyers. And lest you think that the writer had a momentary brain hiccup, here it is again:

council news 2

I intend to follow the advice of a dictionary — not this writer’s example.

Turn off your brain

Turn off your brain and allow your imagination to fly free, and try to figure out what the heck this means on Yahoo! Makers:

turn of the pot diy

What were you thinking?

I could be urging the Yahoo! Style “news editor” to proofread her writing before she publishes it. But I won’t because if I did, we wouldn’t be treated to this bit of amusement:

gender neural sty

I think a “gender neural dress code” specifies that male neurons must wear pants, and female axons must be covered at all times.

Were lassos involved?

What were those actresses doing rounding up other actresses? The writer for Yahoo! Style has some explaining to do:

round up sty 2

She needs to explain why she used the idiom round up (which means “to gather or herd”) and not round out (which means “to bring to completion or finish”).

How did they get them on?

I thought that it was fairly shameful that the Yahoo! Style staff, who apparently all wrote this caption, didn’t know that each is a singular noun and that are wearing was the correct verb to go with it:

each of whom are

But then I read a few more words and realized the staff writers were pulling their readers’ legs! They were joking! Because nobody would seriously write that each model was wearing four jean styles. How would they even put on four pairs of jeans? I’ve never managed to pull on more than two at one time.

Are they opposed to diversity?

Something…something…something… followed by a claim that somebody is “upping the diversity anti,” by which they mean, increasing the opposition to diversity. I think. One can never be sure what a writer means when reading Yahoo! Style:

upping anti sty

It’s also possible that the writer doesn’t know that there is an idiom “upping the ante,” and it means raising the stakes. It’s derived from poker, where the ante is amount that each player must throw into the pot before the cards are dealt.

No assembly required

Ya’ gotta wonder if the “news editor” for Yahoo! Style was casting about for the correct word, only to come up with the wrong word:

assembly cast sty

A group that performs together is an ensemble; together they form an ensemble cast.

They’re not loopholes

When people talk about loopholes, they’re generally referring to a legal way to escape paying more taxes or otherwise exploiting some part of a law or contract. Except if that person is a Yahoo! Style writer who mistakes belt loops for loopholes:

loopholes sty

Dumbest statement of the day

Today’s really dumb statement comes to you courtesy of the brain trust that is the Yahoo! front page:

fp nearly 3 yrs

I don’t need to explain the monumental stupidity of that statement to my readers. But for the benefit of the writers and editors at Yahoo!, let me explain: It is 2016; 2012 was more than three years ago. Perhaps you don’t understand that nearly doesn’t mean “more than”; it means “almost, but not quite.”

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